Fetch Quest

Super Mario RPG is an incredibly easy, incredibly fun RPG that I've played through many times during my years. Sure, I won't see anything this time through that I didn't already on the first half dozen romps, but I won't let that stop me.

Quick note, before I dive in: in order to prevent an individual post from becoming ridiculously long, I'll post the journal in parts; one will come every five or so hours that I play.

Day One
0:01
What's my name? Why, Mario, of course!

0:02
I remember being really impressed with this quasi-3D, clayish looking opening the first time I saw it.

0:03
After fighting my first battle in the opening sequence, I'm reminded that I get no XP at this point in the game. Looks like I'm skipping the rest of these!

0:04
It's funny how easy it is to do the timed attacked on offense, while on defense, they can actually be a little tricky. My first time through the game, I actually didn't even realize you could do them on defense.

0:06
I think the best thing about this game is Mario's facial reactions to the things around him. He may be a silent, but he expresses far more in this game than most video game characters with full voice acting.

0:10
Yada yad, tutorials. Probably useful if you've never played a game before, but for someone who has been through Mario RPG a half dozen times, not so much.

0:12
Spoiler alert: that giagantic sword that attacked Bowser's castle is NOT the main enemy. I remember this actually being a bit of a shock during the first playthough.

0:13
More tutorials, which this time I can skip, gladly.

0:14
Finally, it's time for the game to actually start! Always the most annoying part about RPGs in my opinion, getting to the point from when you first start a new quest until the actual gameplay begins.

0:15
I forget this isn't Paper Mario, and that you cannot get a free hit in on enemies by jumping on them in overworld. D'oh.

0:18
My first level up, huzzah. I can choose between a power, HP, and magic bonus. The power and HP bonuses are fairly meager, while the magic bonus looks pretty solid, so that's what I'm taking.

0:19
I like the little spinning flowers you can launch yourself from. They could have just as easily have put slopes that take you up to the cliffs, but this is more interactive.

0:22
First boss time! Fittingly enough for a Mario game, it's a pair of hammer brothers. They'll be cake.

0:24
Despite my previous comment, these guys actually hit pretty hard if you don't get your timed defenses right. You won't die either way, but it can be closer than you'd expect a first boss fight to be.

0:25
Hammer brothers are dead. My rewards are a Flower Jar (both fills up your FP and increases the max) and a new hammer weapon. Certainly better than walking around unarmed, that's for sure.

0:26
On to the Mushroom Kingdom! There's a bunch of stuff to do here throughout the game, though I don't think much of it can be done now.

0:32
Highlights of walking around: a kid who goes nuts when you tell him you think he'll be able to jump as high as you someday, a young engaged couple you'll meet again later, a few hidden treasure chests (which, since I'm doing this without a walkthrough, I'm likely to miss many of), an shopkeeper who sasses you for talking to him behind the counter, and best of all, the kid playing the Game Boy who yells at you for messing him up if you keep talking to him. Ah, so true to life. Off to the castle.

0:34
Absolutley f'n hilarious: Mario acting out the entire opening of the game on his own to explain the the chancellor. The includes playing Bowser, the princess, and the giant sword. This is just the first of many such reenactments, all of which are great.

0:39
Highlights from inside the castle: a hidden chest that nobody in the world would ever have found without some kind of strategy guide, ruffling through some of the princess' private things (and being paid off by an attendent to keep from talking about what you saw!), and goodies from the treasure vault.

0:40
Outside, we meet two key characters: Mallow and Croco. The former is a cloud that thinks it's a frog, while the later is a purple, top hat wearing crocodile thief. Craziness.

0:41
Fun to note that while it is raining (which ends as soon as you talk to Mallow), all the townsfolk have new dialog. Wonder how many people just run straight to Mallow and never notice a little thing like that?

0:42
Mallow joins the party, and this appears on screen: "The young frog, Mallow, who doesn't look AT ALL like a frog, joins Mario in his quest." Mario RPGs are just about the funniest games out there.

0:43
More funny: when you ask the guard by the town entrance why he didn't try to stop Croco as he ran by, he responds "Because I fogot my bazooka at home! Sheesh, give me a break here".

0:45
I'm in Bandit's Way now, chasing down Croco, who stole a coint from Mallow. This area is just as dull and easy as the first one, so probably not many notes here.

0:49
Level 3 for Mario. I take the power boost this time. I also learn the Fire Orb spell, which I believe is better than useless in a grand total of one battle.

0:52
Mallow to Level 3 as well. Power boost for him as well. He learns HP Rain, which is the only healing spell in the game for a good long while. It's dirt cheap to cast, which means I'm not in danger of running low on HP.

0:55
Heh, my first power star of the game. These things absolutely rock, basically giving you a full battle's XP for every enemy you touch until it wears off. Always a blast when you grab one of these.

0:59
Finally battling with Croco. Rather than just fighting you when you reach the end of the area, you have to actually sneak up on him, as he tries to hide from you. Again, these little minor interactive elements keep things fun.

1:03
Remember when I said Fire Orb was useful for one battle? This was it. It deals good damage, and as Croco is weak against fire, he loses a turn whenever you cast it. Not much else to the battle - I attack him, he attacks me, I heal, and so on. I win and get a frog coin, a flower tab, and a wallet. Interesting decision with that wallet: do you try to find the rightful owner, or do you sell it for big bucks? I'm a goodie goodie, so I usually do the former.

1:04
Something which absolutley every RPG needs to include: a warp back to the start of the level after you beat the boss. This game has it, and I appreciate it.

1:06
Back to the Mushroom Kingdom, which has been taken over by .. wait for it ... Shy Guys on pogo sticks! Quality.

Day Two
1:07
I could really use a weapon for Mallow. He's dealing between 2 and 4 damage at this point, versus the 20+ from Mario. For now, I'm just using his lightning magic spell, because he's useless otherwise.

1:08
Level up for Mario, up to 4, taking the HP boost. Ditto for Mallow.

1:09
I save the guy who owns the wallet from a Shy Guy, and he gives me a Flower Tab in exchange for the wallet. Good enough deal.

1:14
Just finished walking around town, saving various people from the Shy Guys who were attacking them. My rewards include yet another Flower Tab and some money. Plus experience!

1:19
Repeat the above note, except replace "town" with "castle". Best thing in here? All of the treasure chests in the treasury refilled themselves! Not sure if that's a glitch or on purpose, but I'll take it.

1:20
In the princess' room, you once again get scolded if you want to sleep on her bed. Her assistant mushroom guy will heal you after he yells though, which is nice of him. Time to save the chancellor.

1:22
The boss of the Shy Guys is a big sword. No, not the same big sword from the beginning of the game. He's much smaller than that. But still bigger than a regular sword.

1:27
Another simple boss battle, if you know what to do: spam Mallow's lightning attack like there is no tomorrow. It kills the underlings Mack summons, and often will stun him, causing him to miss a turn.

1:28
The pair levels up to level 5, with both also getting the magic boost. I get a star piece for my victory, though what those do or are necessary for is a mystery at this point.

1:30
Mallow suggests we go see his grandpa at the tadpole pond, so I think we know what we're doing next!

1:31
First though, I visit the item shop. Mallow trades in the frog coin we got back from Croco for a Cricket Pie, which we are supposed to give to his grandpa. Yum.

1:33
We're now in Kero Sewers, which takes us to the pond of frogs. As the name suggests, there is plenty of water and aquatic enemies, including Cheep Cheeps. We also see Boos and mice that look a bit like Mousers.

1:35
Mallow, despite struggling to hit for more than about 6 against the Shy Guys in the last area, is now hitting for 30+ and killing things in one hit. That's a bit odd, isn't it?

1:36
Another power star, though I blow this one by only managing to kill five enemies before it runs out. I did probably double that with the last one. Sigh.

1:40
There is a spring right in the middle of the area that takes you back to the start of the sewer. How annoying would that be if you didn't know what it was?

1:42
Full HP/FP restore and a save point, which means a boss is coming up. It's name? Belome.

1:43
I have no idea what Belome is. Some sort of yellow bear/dog head with feet, red markings all over, four ears, four eyes, and a massive tongue.

1:45
In mid-fight, Belome eats Mallow. As in, he's completely gone from my party. That's super.

1:46
He follows up eating Mallow by turning Mario into a scarecrow. This is a status condition that lets you do absolutely nothing except use magic. Well, time to start using the old Jump skill.

1:48
Despite my complaints about the eating and 'crowing, Belome only managed to deal a grand total of six damage to my party the entire fight. Guess it's hard to win a fight when you spend 75% of your turns using non-damaging attacks.

1:49
Mario and Mallow to level 6. Mario learns Super Jump, which is an attack I'll use through the entire rest of the game on bosses. Power boosts this time around.

1:50
Belome, ever the sore loser, floods the sewer upon his defeat. This leads me to the Midas River mini game, where you can collect coins, frog coins, and most importantly, flower point boosts.

1:55
I finish the course with two flower points, one frog coin, and 65 regular coins, which is probably as good as I'll ever do on this mini game. The owner of the course also gives me a NokNok Shell, a new weapon for Mario, for no reason I can understand.

1:57
Tadpole Pond is just insanity. Talking tadpoles, a classical composer mushroom, a master philosopher frog, and so on.

1:58
Frogfucious is awesome. He hangs from a wire from a Lakitu to look like he's floating. He also yells at you if you try to talk to him while standing on his furniture.

2:00
The whole scene where Frogfucious explains to Mallow that he is not a tadpole is great. The music turns all sentimental, and includes lines like "I felt sorry for the little bundle of puff" and "Surely he was more than just an ordinary puff". Ha.

2:02
We are sent to Rose Town, though no explanation as to why is given. Before leaving, I turn over the cricket pie to Frogfucious, and in return, I FINALLY am given Mallow's first weapon: the Froggie Stick. I also go ahead an do the first composition mini-game, which nets me nothing especially useful.

2:08
I have to go through Rose Way to get to Rose Town. Random notes so far: the Froggie Stick makes Mallow actually a somewhat decent attacker, and I an already allowed by the little bandit enemies who run away as soon as the battle starts.

2:11
Past three minutes have been spent trying to do a really tricky jump on quick-moving blocks to reach a treasure chest. Isometric platforming is not easy!

2:18
Reached the end of Rose Way, nothing especially interesting or notable along the way. At the end though, we spot Bowser and an army of goombas, koopa troopas, and magikoopas. He is pissed about being kicked out of his castle and is rallying the troops to take it back. Yea, that probably won't go well.

2:19
Rose Town is being plagued by arrows that randomly fall from the sky and freeze the townsfolk. That kind of sucks for them, doesn't it?

2:24
Highlights from exploring Rose Town: sliding down a chimney to find a hidden chest, new armor for my team, taking two treasures from a guy's house and actually getting called out on it, and watching the innkeeper's kid play with Mario, Peach, and Bowser dolls. That last one is great because the kid doesn't even recognize you until comparing your face to his doll's. I also get a glimpse at the Geno doll, which will become important very shortly.

2:26
The Geno doll comes to life and walks out. The kid sees this, and runs in screaming about it to his mom. The mother's response: "Yes dear, isn't Geno the one who also broke my lamp the other day?" Anyways, I'm not really told where to go next - I think you're just supposed to assume that you're supposed to follow Geno into the forest.

2:31
Plenty of new enemies here, including a monkey that's a dead ringer for Donkey Kong. There are also bees that run away at the start of battle occasionally. What's the point of that?

Day Three
2:33
I come upon a room with six possible tree trunks that I can climb into. I don't think I need to go in them all, but how can I resist?

2:35
Mario up to level seven, get the HP boost. Ditto for Mallow.

2:37
The most bizarre status in the game: you can be turned into a mushroom, which forces you to skip your turn, but you constantly regain HP. It can actually be good at times.

2:42
Everyone's favorite part of an RPG: the repeating room that you can only pass if you take all its exits in the correct order. Seriously, who thinks these are a good idea? At least in this game, if you wander around enough, you eventually find Geno walking around, and can follow him.

2:45
Finally at the the dungeon's boss. I've only been in this place for fifteen or so minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Definitely one of my least favorite dungeons in the game.

2:46
I'll note though, I love the boss of this place. He's literally a bow with eyes, and an army of loyal arrow followers. He talks like Yoda and, as far as I can tell, has no particular purpose in life beyond shooting his followers at people.

2:48
After some great dialog (Mallow: "Who do you think you are, Bruce Lee? You can't go in there with your fists flying!"), I am battling Bowyer with Geno in my party. Geno rocks.

2:49
This battle's cool gimmick: Bowyer has the ability to disable the buttons on your controller. If he disables the X button, for example, you can't use magic.

2:51
Mario's Super Jump skill makes short work of Bowyer. To show how overpowered it is: Mallow was dealing 35 damage attacking, Geno was dealing 60 damage with his spells, Mario was dealing 130 damage with Super Jump.

2:54
Geno: "I'm Geno: "I'm $&!?, but that's hard to pronounce, so call me Geno".
amp;!?, but that's hard to pronounce, so call me Geno".

2:57
I said it earlier, but let me just reiterate: these little bits where Mario acts out part of the story to other people are absolutely hilarious. Mario, Mallow, and Geno acting out the way the Star Road works to the kid with the dolls is great.

2:59
My first totally optional area opens up, called the Pipe Vault. It's a nifty place, with a very original Super Mario Bros feel to it, including a remix of the underground theme.

3:03
Pipe Vault includes a whack-a-mole mini game. I get 20 points, the exact minimum required to get the prize, a Flower Tab. I play again, getting 22 and 24, which are both the new minimums to get new prizes. End result: 30 gold spent to play three times, a permanent +4 boost to my FP and a frog coin. Good deal.

3:06
Everyone levels up. I was keeping track of this when it was just one or two people, but now with three (and more on the way), it's not worth noting every single level up.

3:08
The Pipe Vault exit takes me to Yo'ster Isle, where there are a ton of Yoshis wandering about, getting ready to race. This is one part of the game I don't remember very well; I don't know what the races do for you, or what's required of them. Doesn't matter much, because I'm not doing them now anyways.

3:10
I'm in a new town, Moleville. It's inhabited by ... moles. Couldn't have guessed that, could you? What you may not guess is that the town is built into a mountain, and everyone is a coal miner.

3:12
Ah, finally, new equipment. The new armor, which for some reason also boosts attack, is especially welcome.

3:13
Hidden in the corner of town: Bowser, with a slightly less impressive army than the last time we saw him. Seems his effort to retake his castle didn't go that well. The army's excuse for why they got clobbered is a too-true "We've only had experience fighting Mario!".

3:14
The mine has caved in due to something crashing into it, and kids are stuck inside. Wonder who will rescue them?

3:15
The mole inside the mine, upon seeing Mario here to help out: "Well I'll be a Goomba's uncle!"

3:20
There is a spring in the middle of the mine. Since this is a game and you do things you would never do in real life, I jumped on it. Natrually, I smack my head on the roof of the mine and am knocked out. And what do I see when I come to? Croco, that dastardly thief, stealing my coins. Time to chase him and his thugs down to get my stuff back.

3:25
I've beaten up the three thugs, each of them offering up a +1 to my FP. Now, Croco time.

3:27
Mid-battle, Croco steals my items. This guy is a jerk.

3:30
Well, that was easy. He missed me twice and spent one turn stealing my items. All in all, he managed to successfully attack me a grand total of two times all battle.

3:32
Those kids we're rescuing? Their names are Dyna and Mite. Snappy.

3:34
Woo-hoo, a star power up! I kill enough baddies before it runs out to get everyone a level up. Geno learns the super duper invaluable skill, Geno Boost. I'll be using that one for as long as he's in the party.

3:39
Boss time. His name is Punchinello, and he's a purple ... thing, who throws bob-ombs at you. Alrightly.

3:44
The new Geno Boost skill makes super short work of this fellow. Doubling the party's attack power kind of has that effect.

3:47
Found Dyna and Mite, and the only way out of the mine is by riding a cart. This is one of the coolest parts of the game. It's like a Mode 7 fake 3D thing, which was super awesome back when the game was new and is still fun today.

3:50
That was fun. And luckily enough, the moles whose roof we crashed through are more happy about seeing the kids than angry about the hole in their ceiling.

3:52
In a bit of "well, they had to tell us where we were going next SOMEHOW", a trio of Snifits mention that they need to capture a beetle as a present for someone named Booster, who is entertaining a "princess from the sky" at the moment.

3:54
Before heading out, I buy some fireworks for an insane 500 gold, then turn around and trade that to a little kid for a shiny stone. It'll come in handy eventually.

3:56
Booster Pass is the road to my next destination, and it's wholy uninteresting.

Day Four
4:00
Who is standing outside Booster's Tower? It's Bowser, crying, with no army at all left. And who is at the top of the tower, watching the action below? Princess Toadstool, finally! Bowser joins the party, as we both want to rescue the princess from Booster. Bowser is pretty darn strong, and likely will never leave my main battling roster for the rest of the game. He replaces Mallow.

4:06
Booster is an absolute nutjob, even more so than most of this game's crazy villains.

4:07
Annoying, yet rewarding method of getting a treasure chest: you have to jump from the middle of the tower down to a room at the bottom, hoping to hit a see-saw at just the right spot in order to launch up and nab the loot. If you miss, you have to redo the entire first half of the tower in order to try again. The reward is an awesome weapon for Mario though.

4:11
Another fantastic treasure, this time found by lining up seven pictures at the top of the tower in the same order you found them in at the bottom of the tower. Pretty easy to remember, though you may have overlooked the pictures earlier if you don't know what they were used for.

4:15
Another fun little room, where you can only touch the yellow panels on the checkerboard floor. This normally isn't so tough, except these squares are tiny, and isometric jumping is tough. I get some level ups though, from landing on the black squares, so it's not so bad.

4:22
Finally in Booster's room at the top of the tower, where he has a talking bird and several action figures, including Mario and Samus.

4:28
This mini-game, where Booster and his Snifits try to find you while you hide behind curtains, is awesome. It's also hilarious. I think I may write up a section in the future on just this segment.

4:31
Boss time! If you thought I was fighting Booster, well, I wouldn't blame you, but you'd be wrong. Instead I'm fighting Knife Guy and Grate Guy, two clowns who for some reason are lounging around in the tower. Time for them to see the power of Geno Boost.

4:34
I didn't even bother breaking out Mario's Super Jump - they were more like a mini-boss than the real deal.

4:35
We are now chasing Booster, with the princess in tow, up Booster's Hill. This is another mini-game, which involves jumping on moving barrels and tagging Booster, where you can get a ton of FP boosts now and catch beetles later.

4:38
Plus 11 on the flower points. That's about as good as I think I'll ever do.

4:39
At the top of the hill, we arrive at the town of Marrymore. What's the town famous for? People coming to it when they are getting married. Yep, the creativity runs deep in these town names.

4:41
You can pay 200 gold at the inn to stay in a suite rather than a regular room. There is a absolutely awesome thing here, where you can spend as many nights as you'd like in the room without leaving, and if you spend more time than you can afford, you actually have to work as a bellhop to pay it off. I don't want to waste the gold, so I'm not doing it, but it deserves mentioning.

4:42
Booster has taken control of the chapel, with intent to marry the princess. Probably can't allow that, eh?

4:44
In the basement of the chapel, there are two turtles, a chef and his apprentice, making a wedding cake. If you just on the cake, the chef screams "Vat?! Vat are you doing?!" and the apprentice says "Oh real nice". Little things like this can make a game so much more fun.

4:46
Bowser describes himself as "lightning in a bottle, earthquake in a can" as he breaks down a locked door.

4:47
We follow this by slamming into Toadstool, making her drop all her jewelry, which we now have to pick up before the Snifits do. Booster, on the princess crying over her lost jewelry: "What's this? Water coming from your eyes? Are you leaking, my dear?"

4:49
Ha, princess if freaked when she sees Bowser with Mario. I kind of forgot that he's supposed to be the bad guy in most of these games. Toadstool then asks to be taken back to the castle, which what with Geno's quest about fixing the Star Road, I also had completely forgot I needed to do.

4:51
The two chefs appear with their cake, and are furious to see there is no wedding, which in turn means nobody to eat their cake. They attack ... and so does the cake. Yes, the cake is apparently alive, somehow.

4:55
I kill the top layer of the cake, but I still have to take out the bottom layer. Nuts.

4:57
My 37 jump Super Jump ends the battle pretty quick. I think that's probably one of my highest jump totals ever. Booster finishes the rogue cake off by eating it. Why didn't we try that?

4:59
Toadstool joins my party, replacing Geno. This shall be the party I use for the rest of the game, save one or two special battles along the way. Back to the Mushroom Kingdom!

5:06
After some funny dialog between everyone back in Mushroom Kingdom, and a quick visit to speak with Frogfucious again, the story continues with the party on its way to Star Hill.

5:09
This place has just an insane amount of great dialog in it. The angle on Star Hill is that it is a holding ground of sort for wishes, so you can walk around and read what the people of the world are wishing for. You don't actually get the name on who is making the wishes, but you can usually figure it out.

5:11
"I wish I wasn't such a crybaby". Mallow actually steps out and yells at you for spying on him for that one.

5:13
"I want to be a great plumber like my brother Mario".

5:14
I find the star piece atop Star Hill, and move on towards Seaside Town. No explanation given for why this new place has suddenly opened up.

5:15
Seaside Town is a creepy place, where all the townsfolk speak very slowly and seem vaguely aware at best of your presence. The only exception is the elder, who demands that you find a star piece that sunk to the bottom of the ocean for him. Yea, I'm sure there isn't something evil afoot here.

You like Asteroids, right? Of course you do. Everyone does. It's simple, it's quick, it's fun - everything you love in a retro game. On a personal level, it's probably my second or third favorite of the old school classics, right next to Frogger and Qix. So it was with great pleasure that I found Bounty Hunter SX (BHSX), a modern remix on the classic Asteroids formula.

The general goal of the game is identical to Asteroids: you fly your ship around and shoot down asteroids. BHSX takes this basic formula and expands it out in every which way. Instead of being confined to a single screen, you have a sprawling map to explore, which includes a mini-map to help you find your way around. You can collect minerals and trade them in for ship upgrades, helping you tackle the more difficult targets. And obviously, the graphics have been updated, though I'll admit there's something less charming about modern sprites versus the vectorized look.

The shelf life of BHSX is fairly limited, I'll admit. You'll probably stop playing once you've have fully explored the map and upgraded your ship. It actually has a bit of a disadvantage over the original in that way; the simplicity of Asteroids actually makes it far more replayable over a long period of time. Beyond that though, BHSX is a fun update to the classic Asteroids formula, and will give you a few good gaming hours.

Download [Bounty Hunter SX]

You're plowing your way through Super Mario RPG, having a good old time, when you land at Booster's Tower. This is a nifty dungeon for many reasons, especially because you A) add Bowser as a member of your party, and B) finally are about to rescue the princess after she got blasted out of her castle at the start of the game. Midway through the level, you enter a room devoid of enemies or treasure. At first, you may wonder what the point of it is. Why have a small, empty room in the middle of a dungeon? Of course, there is that one area in the back, covered up by curtains. How could any adventurous gamer resist seeing if there is anything back there?

Those gamers who do check out the curtain with one of the cooler Easter eggs I have come across in a game: your isometric, 3D-ish Mario is transformed into a perfect replica of the original sprite from Super Mario Bros. You can walk around and jump in all your retro glory, while listening to the classic Mario theme playing in the background. Eventually, you'll try exiting the room, at which point you'll be treated to the leaping death animation, followed by Mario scurrying back behind the curtain. You'll then emerge back with your isometric sprite, ready to continue on in the game.

There really wasn't a point to this little feature at all. You weren't powered up, didn't get any loot, couldn't even take your graphical overhaul outside the room. But it was just so cool the first time you saw it. And totally unexpected. One of those things that probably takes about a half hour of development time, but will delight fleets of gamers. Super Mario RPG was great at this, with tons of one-off references to other games and series. Newer games should learn their lesson from this: it's the small things that can change a game from good to great!

About once per year, I'll fire up the NES classic, River City Ransom (RCR). The game is an exceedingly cool blend of platformer, beat'em up, and RPG, and is the right combination of quick and fun that makes it something you can replay fairly often without it ever feeling dull. Each time I go through the game, I might play it a little differently. One run, I'll try to blaze though stages, getting to the end as fast as possible. Next time, I'll try to amass a small fortune so I can purchase all the insanely expensive (if not a touch unnecessary) abilities. However, no matter what plan of attack I bring into a RCR playthough, I always start each game the exact same way: beat up enough random baddies to earn the $26.95 necessary to purchase Dragon Feet from the book shop.

I'm far from an expert on the subject of RCR, but from my point of view, Dragon Feet turn the game from a pretty tough challenge to something fairly manageable for your average gamer. Here's the deal: normally, when you press the kick button, your character kicks. Duh, right? The thing is, the kick is kind of slow, and there's a short delay afterwards when you can't kick again. It's tiny, maybe a half a second at best, but that can be enough time to muck things up for you when you're surrounded by three members of the Frat Boys gang. The solution? Dragon Feet, of course. This magical gift changes the kick button, so rather than one relatively slow swipe of your leg, you fire off three lightning quick kicks, with no difference in the overall time the attack takes. In other words, the power of your kick button effectively triples.

This is great for so many reasons. Obviously, tripling attack power in any game is a good thing. An extra bonus here is that three kicks will just about always knock your foe to the ground, giving you time to plan your next move, or shift focus to another enemy harassing you from behind. A single kick offers no such advantage; an opponent very quickly recovers after one blow. It totally changes how you play the game. You go from just trying to survive each screen without losing too much life to an enemy-killing machine, mowing down everything in your path. Okay, so maybe not forever; enemies do get tougher, and soon enough Dragon Feet is downgraded from "lethal" to a more modest " very useful". Still, for an item you can get at the very first town in the game, that's not so bad, is it?

Parappa the Rapper (PtR) is an insanely memorable game. Literally every character, every stage, every song could be the subject of a blog post. It's hilarious and enjoyable and has just about the best soundtrack in all of gaming. I actually had originally intended to do one of my first few posts on the game, but honestly, I couldn't decide which aspect of it I wanted to talk about. I suppose I could have just done the game as a whole, but that's not something I'm trying to do on here (outside of full-fledged reviews). After a couple weeks of procrastination, I said to heck with it, and just picked the first one that came to mind: the bathroom level.

You remember how in Mega Man games, there was always that section right before the end where you have to re-battle all of the robot masters you defeated earlier? The fifth stage of PtR is just the same. The four rap masters of the previous four stages all return for one epic final showdown before you are allowed to move to the last boss. Unlike in Mega Man though, in PtR, they aren't trying to kill you. No no, not at all. In fact, the circumstances that bring them together for one final rap battle with Parappa is about the strangest you'll ever see in a game.

Parappa has a lot to drink. Parappa needs to go to the bathroom. Parappa pulls over at a gas station to use their facilities. Parappa is disappointed to see a line of people waiting to get in. Parappa is shocked when he realizes that the line is made of the the four rap masters he has recently encountered. Parappa challenges the masters to a battle in order to move to the front of the line so he can be the first to use the bathroom. Crazy, ain't it?

It's hard to find much more to say about the bathroom battle - frankly, it pretty much speaks for itself. I'll leave things off with my favorite line of the song: "Ribet ribet, I can't hold it, last toilet that I had, I already sold it". Ah, classic. You gotta believe!